Excerpt from ‘hope ful fool’ 

Two days ago, my brother and I were coming back from the super market. My brother was driving way too fast, as usual, and we had an accident. We bashed a car, and the car hit another car, all three cars were pretty damaged, but Alhamdullilah ( Praise be to Allah), no one got hurt.
Mr Aminu, my lecturer called me and I told him about the accident. He emphathised with and told me that he was actually with Adnan and another person, whose name I did not care to know, at that moment. He asked if it was okay, if he gave prince Adnan and the other person my number, so they could greet and check up on me, and I told him it was more than okay. I was careful not to sound too excited, but really I was freaking out.
I had mixed feelings about the whole thing, first I was excited, and then it was followed by uncertainty and nervousness. So I wrote a list of possible questions the prince could ask me, and answers I would give him, stopping at intervals to question my mental fitness.
I waited for his call, like I was waiting for my life. I was with my phone throughout, everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I even installed true caller on my phone, so I could mentally prepare myself when he calls.
This morning, after fajr prayer, I was performing du’a when my phone beeped. After I finished performing du’a, I picked up my phone and saw that they was a text message. I clicked on the text message and it read : 

Assallam alaikum, prince Adnan here. I heard about the accident, and I’m so sorry. Just wanted to check up on you. I hope you are doing well? Allah hafeez.
A text message, seriously. I was disappointed, because it meant all my mental preparations and Q and A list would go to waste. He had no interest in me whatsoever and he only sent the message for the sake of common courtesy. Crushing on a prince was too stressful. That was when I decided that I was done with my shameless pursue of him, and I told myself that I was over him, I just had to be.
TWO WEEKS LATER
I was starting to get tired of the holiday and they was still two months left. My daily routine of sleeping, working, eating, praying and watching movies was becoming very boring. I needed to find something new to do ASAP. So, I called Mrs Abdulrahman, my entrepreneurship lecturer. Yes, I had a pretty good relationship with almost all my lecturers. She asked me to meet her in town, so we could discuss the assignment.
I got to the restaurant before her and found a table behind and waited for her to come. I waited for about five minutes when she came into the restaurant. I spotted her from afar scanning the restaurant looking for me.

”Miss Abdulrahman”, I called and waved her to come forward. She turned to look at me, and with a smile she walked over. She wore a long flowing black abaya and soft pink hijab neatly wrapped around her head. Mrs Abdulrahman was a tall, slim woman with dark skin. She didn’t look a day older than twenty six, but her first son was actually twenty six. 

”salam alaikum,” she said pushing her hands forward.

”wa alaikum assalam”, I smiled and shook her hands.

”how are you doing?” she asked as she drew out a chair from under the table and sat.

”I’m fine, Alhamdullilah”.

”you didn’t order anything?” she asked, motioning the waitress over.

We ordered for orange juice and chatted for a while, before she brought up the assignment discussion.

”you know about our annual film show right, the one we organise at the end of every year?” She asked.

”of course. Who wouldn’t? It’s like the biggest thing at school every year” I said, matter of factly.

She smiled, ”yes, some students have been chosen to play their different parts in making the show a success, but they was still one aspect of the show, that was yet to be taken care of. So when you called me, I just knew you’d be perfect for it. It is a video documentary on the life of royalty,” she said, adding a little drama to the way she said the last words.

”you want me to do a video documentary on the life of royalty?” I asked, my mouth forming an O shape. It felt amazing, I couldn’t believe it. I’ve always been fascinated with royalty.

She nodded and smiled, ”you would be covering the life of the royal family of Bida, Niger state. The abdullahi’s.

”what?” 

”the Abdullahi’s,” she repeated, raising an eye brow, with a questioning look on her face, ”is they a problem?”

”erm, no”, I lied. Of all the royal families in the world, why did it have to be his. 

Kinda a heart break 

Love love love.its a crazy thing.its that girl that’s chasing that guy that’s chasing the other girl.its that boy that’s chasing that girl that doesn’t like him. It makes us stupid,vulnerable,happy,confused…its like a fruit salad…only dat its a salad of emotions.

Once upon a time, I met a boy. He was white..he was a white Nigerian. He had the cutest smile ever and when I looked at him for the very first time I felt nothing, but when he spoke to me on our school bonfire night, I totally,helplessly fell for him.

When he went back to his school, we still communicated, lol, communicate is an understatement cos we spoke everyday all day. We made mad stupid jokes and had fun. When I realized that I was in love with him and he was in love with me too, I waited for him to tell me he loved me( lol typical African).

When he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, I said I wanted us to be just friends. I don’t know why I said so when clearly I wanted to be more to him. I was confused yet my mouth kept saying no when all my heart wanted was to say yes.

A month later

He came to my school, we talked like nothing ever happend. We spoke for long hours, he helped me fetch water and he told me I looked beautiful despite the fact DAT I was dressed like a house girl .he looked into my eyes and asked me to be his girlfriend again. I told him I would think about it(lol m such a Nigerian).

That night I wrote in my diary:

        In this moment of my life I’m at the point where I want something but I don’t really know if I want that something, and how long I’m going to want it. I know it sounds crazy and I don’t know if I’m the only one who ever feels this way.

I really want to be with him, but I can’t cos I’m scared I’m going to be broken when I have to loose him. I’m always the one doing the breaking, but this time it feels like its going to be different and I might end up being the one who gets broken.

I want to say yes every time he looks at me but something keeps stopping me.

In the morning when I woke up I wrote…

     I woke up with him on my mind and I knew I would go crazy if I didn’t say yes but it seemed like it was too late cos wen I went to look for him I was told he had left but he was coming back.I called him but his phone was switched off. I have a feeling I may have truly lost him and I truly truly hope my feeling is wrong. I just want to talk to him or see him before I run mad.

DAY 2

I seriously miss him. I knew I would be empty when he leaves, but I didn’t know what the emptiness would feel like.

I’ve never felt this way before and I think I feel this way because I didnt get to see him before he left and they is no way to communicate with him.

I don’t want to stop thinking about him,I don’t want to ever move on or get over him. I don’t even want to think about it.

DAY3

I think I’m going through that five stages crap, sadness,anger,acceptance,bla bla bla. Right now I feel angry with him and most especially with myself.

I feel as though if I keep my emotions inside of me, they’ll remain there, cos I don’t want them to go anywhere.

I’m going to patiently wait for him to come back. I realize all this craziness won’t get me anywhere so I’m going to patiently wait.I really hope to see him.
DAY4

Last night I was talking to my guy friend about my problem and he said, ‘honestly if you are going to take my advice, forget about him cos he’s going to break your heart’. 

I asked him why he thought so and he said he just knows I’m going to get hurt. For a moment I believed him but then I decided not to. Even if I’m going to get hurt, I still want to try and it might be my worst mistake but I’m willing to try.

Lol I remember a movie I once watched.the girl in the movie said when you really really really really really really (six really) like a boy or girl its love, but when its like for or five reallys its almost love, not yet.

I think I 4really like him.we still haven’t spoken,not seen him yet.

DAY5

You were the one

I wanted most

To stay.

But time could not

Be kept at bay.

The more it goes

The more its gone

The more it takes away

As the day passes by, the pain and my anticipation fades away. I miss him less than I missed him yesterday.


FINAL DAY

Its been quite long since I wrote anything about him.yah I miss him at least once everyday and I think about him coming back. I heard he might come back today. I’m excited even though I don’t know what I’m going to do or say when I see him.Been more than a month since I saw or spoke to him.

1 WEEK LATER

He didn’t come. I think a part of me knew he wouldn’t come. I was half sad and half contented. I still believe whatever is meant to be will be.

FIVE MONTHs LATER AKA TODAY

I was re reading the above pages and I was smiling thru out…was one hell of a journey. Things turned out alright after all and……oops sorry gotta go my boyfriends calling…😜