How to know when you’ve met ‘the one’.

Choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone, accepting all of their flaws, and embracing everything about them, is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. It will have an immeasurable impact over your life whether you like it or not. Choosing someone means becoming one, breathing the same air, dreaming together and living together. So how do you know if this is the one you should choose, how do you know if he/she is definitely the one? The truth is you never definitely know. You can never know, you only feel it and in the end it’s your choice whether to trust that feeling or not.

I was engaged once upon a time to a man our society would only describe as prince charming. I swear he was charming, handsome, six figure salary, reputable family, good heart, people always thought he was too good for an ordinary student like I was. I didn’t share the same ideology, because I believed they just didn’t know me, I may not have been a princess, accomplished and all but I was built emotionally and socially stable and I knew what I was worth which was far beyond what the eyes could meet. He was everything a girl could dream of, but we never thought the same way. While he always saw roses. He always missed the thorns, something I would never look pass. I calculated all the possibilities of downfall while all he could ever see was a fairy tale future for us. I felt I couldn’t live my life forever with a man who couldn’t see life the same way I did, but I was wrong, I didn’t need a man who thought the same way as I did. I needed a man with an independent mind, a man who would remind me that there was beauty in the world, to calm my demons, to help me keep a balanced life, and he was the one. Because of our differences, we could always keep pushing forth, away from everything we knew, finding new things that excited us and spiced up our relationship. I need not tell you that I married him, because what you really want to know is how I realised what I needed in a husband.
Here’s what to look for and consider.

1.CARE, COMPASSION AND SACRIFICE

I’m not going to lie, because whether we like it or not, you need someone who can take care of you, who cares for you and always will. You need someone who shows it clearly that he/she feels lucky to have you and would do anything possible to make you happy. You don’t need someone who makes you work for their time, or gives you doubts as regards their love for you. That’s a big red sign, one you must totally avoid.

2.THEY MAKE YOU FEEL AND LOOK GOOD

You need someone who balances and complements you. You don’t need someone whose exactly like you, who always agrees with you. No, that would be boring. You need to challenge each other, push each other and make each other look good. I’m not saying you should be totally different, because that would be disastrous, I’m talking someone whom, while you share things in common, you also have independent perspectives to life.

3.RESPECT

Before you go choosing the one, choose yourself, love yourself and after choosing the one, he/she must make you feel great about yourself. So respect, respect is very important. They must respect you, respect who you are as an individual, respect your choices, friends and family. If you do not feel respected and have no way of earning that respect, please walk away.

4.DO YOU BOTH FIT INTO EACH OTHER’S FUTURE?

Lastly, be able to close your eyes and imagine a life with this man or woman, forever. What would your worst fights look like, and what would your best moments look like. Keep in mind their best and worst qualities. Can you live with that? Forever? Can you learn to deal with the obstacles, and can he deal with you? Remember that you’re far far away from perfect, if you can take him/her as they are, without the filter, pure, and unadulterated, can they? Talk about it.

‘The one’ doesn’t mean happiness forever, it means sacrifices that would always be worth it. I hope you find ‘the one’.

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Mastering the art of being happily single 101

You’ve gotten out of a relationship and now you’re single, struggling to adapt to the single life or maybe you’ve been single for too long now and it’s frustrating. There are many articles out there teaching and telling us how to take care of our relationships with our partners and how to live happily ever after with our spouses but nobody tells us how to take care of our relationships with ourselves when we’ve got no one to call ‘the one’. The single life just appears to be a long dark lonely path, which we often try to comfort ourselves by lying to the people around that we are happy walking down alone, knowing deep down that it’s only a big fat ass lie. We feel this way only because we haven’t mastered the art of being single, so it’s not about the romance movies and books we read or the fact that all our friends are either married or in happy relationships, it’s the fact that we still don’t know and realise that being single is an art, a beautiful art that needs to be mastered, it’s the art of being absolutely and totally in love with yourself. We can be truly happy deep down, be enough for ourselves, and be able to walk down our own paths holding our own hands, comforted by self-love and acceptance.

A year ago, I made a decision to leave a five year long relationship. It was hard to decide to leave the relationship in the relationship despite the toxicity of it, because I couldn’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t have him to go on morning jogs with, to take me on long romantic walks, to eat lunch with, play games, fight, chat for long hours, watch movies and spend every hour of everyday with. I didn’t know who I was without him and it only felt worse when I finally broke up with him. It felt like I had to start my whole life all over again after being so deep into a routine with him. I was unhappy, lonely and bored all the time. I was lost and without a purpose, and for these reasons I found myself almost calling my ex boyfriend several time, to beg for forgiveness and to ask him to take me back. I didn’t care that our relationship was unhealthy or that I broke up with him for a reason. I just wanted to go back to the time when I knew who I was and no one asked me if I had a boyfriend ‘now’ because everyone knew.
I don’t recall exactly after how many ‘almost calls’, self-beat downs, or times I cried before deciding that it was time to move on, and I can’t tell you how many times I had promised myself to move on, before actually deciding to move on, but I can tell you that it wasn’t easy at all.

The first thing I did whie laying down on my couch with so much determination was google the words ‘how to be single’ and a movie popped out, it was called ‘how to be single’. Right there on that couch, I settled into the movie, laughing and crying as I watched. After the movie, I was more motivated to move on, but it didn’t last for too long, I was back to square one, the moment I received a call from my ex-boyfriend telling me how much he missed me. I missed him too, I wanted him back, I wanted the life we had together back, but I couldn’t tell him that, because I was at that point of my life where I was more broken by the fact that I had no idea who I was or what I loved on my own than I was broken by the break up. More than anything, I wanted to love myself, with or without anyone to make me feel good about myself.

I took another bold step after, I deleted and blocked my exes number, deleted pictures of us together and cleared all of our texts in one night, then I cried myself to sleep.
I found a hobby, I wasn’t very good at it, but I loved painting, I loved going to art shows and spending hours painting blurbs in my backyard. I found that I actually could write decent poems and stories. I never realised how much I was capable of loving and how artsy I was until I took time to get to know myself on a deeper level. With time, I began to love my own company, just me doing what I loved, It was amazing. My journey to self-discovery was like meeting someone new, someone absolutely wonderful.

Through this journey of self-discovery and love, I picked up a few tips on how to be happily single.

It’s all about determination. Make up your mind a thousand times to be happy, and you can be truly happy. You can only be happy, if you convince yourself that you deserve happiness, you don’t deserve to be unhappy, and you truly want to be happy. No one else can tell you this, if you don’t believe it.

Do not hate on couples who are happy together. You don’t need to bring down other people to feel better about yourself. Don’t try to convince them that being in a relationship makes them unhappy or that it’s so much better to be single. Appreciate other people’s relationships and treasure the relationship with yourself.

Spend time alone often and at the same time spend time with the people you love and the people they love. It can be hard watching your friends and family in happy relationships but you have to let them know that it’s okay to love other people around you, because you’re happy and you want them to be happy too. You’d be surprise how much happiness you can get from making other people happy.

Lastly, do not get too comfortable being single and shut down your heart to external love. Remember that the purpose of being happily single is not to shut out relationships with other persons forever, it’s to help you love people better and for others to be able to love you better in a way that makes you happier and allows you to stay connected with who you are as an individual. We must never give up on love, whether it’s loving ourselves, or another human, for love will never give up on us, and shutting it out will only break us.

Mastering the art of being happily single is a journey I can ensure would change our lives, whether we are in happy relationships with other persons or not. It’s about knowing who you are as individuals and loving ourselves in a deeper sense. The path through the single life isn’t all rosy and bright, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel, there’s a beautiful, amazing person waiting down there for your unconditional love, and that’s YOU.