Choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone, accepting all of their flaws, and embracing everything about them, is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. It will have an immeasurable impact over your life whether you like it or not. Choosing someone means becoming one, breathing the same air, dreaming together and living together. So how do you know if this is the one you should choose, how do you know if he/she is definitely the one? The truth is you never definitely know. You can never know, you only feel it and in the end it’s your choice whether to trust that feeling or not.
I was engaged once upon a time to a man our society would only describe as prince charming. I swear he was charming, handsome, six figure salary, reputable family, good heart, people always thought he was too good for an ordinary student like I was. I didn’t share the same ideology, because I believed they just didn’t know me, I may not have been a princess, accomplished and all but I was built emotionally and socially stable and I knew what I was worth which was far beyond what the eyes could meet. He was everything a girl could dream of, but we never thought the same way. While he always saw roses. He always missed the thorns, something I would never look pass. I calculated all the possibilities of downfall while all he could ever see was a fairy tale future for us. I felt I couldn’t live my life forever with a man who couldn’t see life the same way I did, but I was wrong, I didn’t need a man who thought the same way as I did. I needed a man with an independent mind, a man who would remind me that there was beauty in the world, to calm my demons, to help me keep a balanced life, and he was the one. Because of our differences, we could always keep pushing forth, away from everything we knew, finding new things that excited us and spiced up our relationship. I need not tell you that I married him, because what you really want to know is how I realised what I needed in a husband.
Here’s what to look for and consider.
1.CARE, COMPASSION AND SACRIFICE
I’m not going to lie, because whether we like it or not, you need someone who can take care of you, who cares for you and always will. You need someone who shows it clearly that he/she feels lucky to have you and would do anything possible to make you happy. You don’t need someone who makes you work for their time, or gives you doubts as regards their love for you. That’s a big red sign, one you must totally avoid.
2.THEY MAKE YOU FEEL AND LOOK GOOD
You need someone who balances and complements you. You don’t need someone whose exactly like you, who always agrees with you. No, that would be boring. You need to challenge each other, push each other and make each other look good. I’m not saying you should be totally different, because that would be disastrous, I’m talking someone whom, while you share things in common, you also have independent perspectives to life.
Before you go choosing the one, choose yourself, love yourself and after choosing the one, he/she must make you feel great about yourself. So respect, respect is very important. They must respect you, respect who you are as an individual, respect your choices, friends and family. If you do not feel respected and have no way of earning that respect, please walk away.
4.DO YOU BOTH FIT INTO EACH OTHER’S FUTURE?
Lastly, be able to close your eyes and imagine a life with this man or woman, forever. What would your worst fights look like, and what would your best moments look like. Keep in mind their best and worst qualities. Can you live with that? Forever? Can you learn to deal with the obstacles, and can he deal with you? Remember that you’re far far away from perfect, if you can take him/her as they are, without the filter, pure, and unadulterated, can they? Talk about it.
‘The one’ doesn’t mean happiness forever, it means sacrifices that would always be worth it. I hope you find ‘the one’.